“Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional.” - Max Lucado
I became a mediator, because as a person who has been constantly confronted by conflict within myself and with others, and lacking in ability to handle conflict without deep wounding and spirals of anxiety and depression as a result, I decided this is work I needed to step into.
What I have learned is most important, the essential ingredient in conflict resolution, is compassion. Cultivating a strong muscle of compassion for ourselves and others is the best foundation for successfully navigating conflicts of all kinds.
Separating the incidents and issues from the human beings involved in upsets, hurts, and differences of viewpoints is often the first and most difficult step in any effort to move toward a truce, and hopefully toward peace.
Renowned conflict negotiator William Ury, in his book “Getting to Yes” states, “ Put yourself in their shoes. How you see the world depends on where you sit. People tend to see what they want to see…They may well believe that their views are as “right” as strongly as you believe yours are.” He talks extensively in the first chapter of his book on separating the people from the problem.
It may be very difficult to set down our anger and judgment when we find ourselves at odds and perhaps insulted or injured by another person or people, but taking time to pause and do our best to remember that these are also people with their own perspectives, experiences, and feelings is the entry point to the path to resolving and hopefully healing the conflict.
A mediator I work with recently said, “ When I am mediating I always try to remember to set myself at the intersection of humility and compassion.” I think those are also wise words for when we are the ones in the conflict as well.
Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional. Compassion is the key.
You can learn more about relationships, boundaries, and tools for developing compassion in my book “Before You Go”, available at Jean Skeels – Empowerment Authenticity Growth.
